On the light side

[Barnacle Bill]

Need a small laugh well here it is!!!

LOT'S WIFE
> The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked
> back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted,
> 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving, he announced
> triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'
>
> GOOD SAMARITAN
> A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the
> Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on
> the roadside, all wounded and bleeding. What would you do?'
> A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw
u p.'
>
>
> ! DID NOAH FISH?
> A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a
> lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?'
> 'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'
>
> HIGHER POWER
>
> A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'we have been
> learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.
> But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'
> One child blurted out, 'Aces!'
>
> MOSES AND THE RED; SEA
> Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in
> Sunday school.
> 'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy
> lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When
> he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all
> the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for
> reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the
> Israelites were saved.'
> ; 'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his
mother asked
> 'Well!, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd
never believe it! '
>
> THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
> A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize
> one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23.
> She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick
> was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the
> Psalm; after much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
>
> On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in
> front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn,
> he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my
> Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.'
>
>
> > UNANSWERED PRAYER
> The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always
> paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.
> One day, she asked him why.
> 'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daught er was so observant
> of his messages.' I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'
> 'How come He doesn't answer it?' she asked.
>
> BEING THANKFUL
> A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother
> says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What
> does she say?'
> The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'
>
> UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
> During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle
> from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched
> him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you
> do such a thing?'
> Tommy answered, soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He
did!'
>
> TIME TO PRAY
> A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
> 'Yes, sir,' the boy replied.
> 'And, do you always say them in the mo rning, too?' the pastor asked.
> 'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'
>
> ALL MEN/ALL GIRLS
> When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would
> bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current
and past).
> For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly
> prayer, Kelli would say, 'and all girls.'
>
> This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this
> closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli,
> why do you always add the part about all girls?'
>
> Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by
> saying 'All Me n'!'
>
> SAY A PRAYER
> Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
> Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food
> was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started
> eating right away.
>
> 'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother.
> 'I don't need to,' the boy replied.
> 'Of course, you do,' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer
> before eating at our house.'
> 'That's at our house,' Johnny explained.
> 'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!

[FishCrazy]

Good stuff! Thanks

[wrwest]

Yes that is good...

[CrappieLips]

thank's IB

[drifter106]

Very good....hope you can reach into your bag and grab some more. This is something that I can share with my students!

[zinsurance]

Good stuff for sure, I've got a few to add to the list, most of them aren't bible related however:

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went fishing.

A woman came home, scre eching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay.


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

[Barnacle Bill]

Robby's
Night
True
Story Worth Reading !!!

At the
prodding of my friends, I am writing this story. My name is Mildred
Hondorf. I am a former elementary school music teacher from Des
Moines, Iowa. I've always supplemented my income by teaching piano lessons-something I've done for over 30 years. Over the years I found that children have many
levels of musical ability.. I've never had the pleasure of having a
prodigy though I have taught some talented students.

However I've also had my share of what I call 'musically challenged' pupils. One such student was Robby. Robby was 11 years old when his mother (a single Mom) dropped him off for his first piano lesson. I prefer that students (especially boys!) begin at an earlier age, which I explained to Robby. But Robby said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student. Well, Robby began with his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor. As much as Robby tried, he lacked the sense of tone and basic rhythm needed to excel. But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary
pieces that I require all my students to learn.

Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to
encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he'd always say, 'My
mom's going to hear me play someday.' But it seemed hopeless. He just
did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance
as she dropped Robby off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She
always waved and smiled but never stopped in.

Then one day Robby stopped coming to our lessons. I thought about calling him but
assumed because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue
something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad
advertisement for my teaching!

Several weeks later I mailed to the
student's homes a flyer on the upcoming recital.. To my surprise Robby
(who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told
him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped
out he really did not qualify. He said that his mother had been sick and
unable to take him to piano lessons but he was still practicing. 'Miss
Hondorf, I've just got to play!' he insisted. I don't know what led me to allow
him to play in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence or maybe it was
something inside of me saying that it would be all right. The night for
the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents,
friends and relatives. I put Robby up last in the program before I was
to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I
thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program
and I could always salvage his poor performance through my 'curtain
closer.'

Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing
and it showed. Then Robby came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled
and his hair looked like he'd run an eggbeater through it. 'Why didn't
he dress up like the other students?' I thought. 'Why didn't his mother
at least make him comb his hair for this special night?'

Robby pulled out the piano bench and he began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart's Concerto #21 in C Major. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the
ivories. He went from pianissimo to fortissimo. From allegro to
virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart demands were magnificent!
Never had I heard Mozart played so well by people his age. After six and
a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was on their
feet in wild applause.

Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in joy. 'I've never heard you play like that Robby! How'd you do it? Through
the microphone Robby explained: 'Well Miss Hondorf, Remember I told you
my Mom was sick? Well, actually she had cancer and passed away this
morning And well . ... She was born deaf so tonight was the first time
she ever heard me play I wanted to make it special.'

There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening.. As the people from Social
Services led Robby from the stage to be placed into foster care, noticed
that even their eyes were red and puffy and I thought to myself how much
richer my life had been for taking Robby as my pupil.

No, I've never had a prodigy but that night I became a prodigy. . . Of Robby's. He was the teacher and I was the pupil for it is he that taught me the meaning of
perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a
chance in someone and you don't know why.

Robby was killed in the senseless bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in
Oklahoma City in April of 1995. And now, a footnote to the story.

If God didn't have a purpose for us, we wouldn't be
here!