Paybacks!

[Eager Beaver]

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan ... She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ...... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi, Alex

[Fatman]

That's a DARWIN Award winner right there!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hunt4crappie]

Funny story and some good reading, but this is about the tenth version of this I have seen over the past few years. However, this is the first version I have seen were the guy is a Marine.

[Eager Beaver]

They make these fit the occasion. I don't know if it is true but is a good story anyway.

[G.Gordon]

Don't doubt that things like that happen. I'm fairly successful, but one day I looked like a thug from the hood, needed help, and well, here's the story.

I got to the trail head about 1.5 hr. before dark. I remember the sign... "Gates locked at sundown to sunrise."

I went for a ride in new section on my mountain bike, had a blast. I started raining. Trail got slippery and I took a good hard fall getting pretty dirty and banged up. Not wanting to go all the way back across all those slick rocks I headed out of the trail area to a street near where I was. Being new to this area I didn't realize just how far of a ride being all banged up it would be.

About half way back around the wilderness area via blacktop I felt it... flat tire. Dammit!! Not wanting to ruin a rim/tire I push the bike. I'm exhausted. It's getting late, then I remember the sign... locked at sundown. Oh ****... I start jogging with my bike. I'm not going to make it. There is a C-store up ahead. I see a guy in a large pickup getting ready to leave. I waive him down, tell him my problem and that I really need a lift or my truck gets locked up in a bad part of town over night.

He ask for id... I didn't carry any. I assure him I'm on the level and really need help. He says to throw the bike in the back and get in. He pulls an old feed bag out for me to sit on.

We're not out of the parking lot and he says: "Look at my left hand", which he has resting on his left thigh. He was holding a revolver and said, "I believe you, but this is Raytown... try anything and I'll blow your head off, still want my help?" I said yes, he dropped me at the parking lot and apologized. I told him no need that he has a right to protect himself and I appreciated the assistance.

I unloaded the bike and about the time I started to put it in the truck the ranger pulled up to lock the gate. I yelled to wait, he did, I went home to wash the dirt off.