Hey everyone, share a good joke here to lighten us all up!

[shadow]

The Obedient Wife
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my
money to the after life with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her
heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket
with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his
wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting
next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just
before the undertakers got ready to close the casket,
the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box
with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down,
and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool
enough to put all that money in there with your dead husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I
can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was
going to put that money in that casket with him."

" You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket
with him!!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together,
put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he
can cash it, he can spend it." :D

[shadow]

Deathbed Confession
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber; He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"Becky, my darling" he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."

There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

I know, sweetheart," whispered Becky, "let the poison work."

[Deacon]

I asked my brother what he was going to get his wife for her birthday

He said, "Nothing".

I asked him why?

He said, "Because she didn't even use what he got her last year"!

I asked him what he got her last year?

He said, " A burial Plot"! LOL

[nanook]

a hunter comes out of the woods holding his limit of ducks and is stoped & checked by the game warden he ask the man if he knew what type of ducks he had killed the fellow replied no why, so the game warden took the 1st duck and stuck his thumb up his butt then informed the man that it was an illegal mexican wood duck he then stuck his finger up the second ducks butt and informed the man that it was an illegal brazilian wegion the warden then questioned the man if he was aware or all the game laws the man replied guess not so the warden begian writing him a ticket when the warden ask the man for his name and adress the man turned around bent over pulled down his pants and replied hell your so smart u tell me

[Kenny]

Did you hear about the two antenna's that got married?? The wedding was terrible but the reception was GREAT!!!

[CrappieLips]

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . having friends.

At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

[duane]

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big bowl of oatmeal," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.


"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

You're gonna LOVE this....

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

[geno]

Wife an I were fishing some docks on a small lake when we came upon a dock that had the abanded look an when I got close she stepped off on to the dock. Acouple of minutes later she is screaming get the net. I grab the net and around the corner of the dock I go. (funny part) She has the pole bent double and still cranking but the line was between the cracks in the dock and had this wall hanger up against the bottom of the dock and just as I got the net under the dock the hook pulled out. Only thing that saved the fish from grtting off was the drag was set loose and she was still cranking when I came out from under the dock. we still rib her about it but she reminds us it was 17 1/2 in long and what have we done lately.
Geno

[shadow]

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK," the little girl says. "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds," the little girls says, delighted in her new-found knowledge.

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

[shadow]

Melba Thibodeaux was tired of her husband coming home drunk and decided to scare him straight.

One night, she put on a devil coustume and hid behind a tree to intercept Thibodeaux on his way home. When Thibodeaux walked by Melba jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail and a pitchfork.

"Who are you?" Thibodeaux slurred.

"I'm the Devil," Melba asswered.

"Well, come home with me." Thibodeaux said, "I married your sister."