Thread: For all husbands and an update from me.

Dang Tap just found out about this and am sorry to hear of your loss and prayers sent for the comfort of your family and you

Tap, time to check in and let us know how you are doing. How about the girls? All of your friends are still sending up prayers for each of you. Sitting here staring at the board, and I noticed the number of thread views beside this one and most especially beside your first post about your wife going to the hospital. 7000+ views. That should give you a small glimpse of how much we think of you. Just thought is was a very fitting show of respect towards your family.

All the best,

Your Buds

My two daughters who are 22 and 23 are from my first wife and I divorced their mother in 1993 after she left me and moved in with her boyfriend. Funny how things change as my wife Debbie actually became good friends with my ex-wife and hung out with her and two others. My ex-wife even commented that her family liked Debbie more than they liked her or me.

As for myself, I am living in a world of denial as I cannot seem to accept the reality of this. I am not embarrassed to say that I am seeing a Christian therapist who tells me that I am doing all the right things. A friend of mine put me in touch with a pastor of a local church who unexpectedly lost his wife 1.5 years ago. I met with him for about an hour, he had commented that it helps to talk to those who have walked down the same path that I am now walking. I also met with a different pastor that knew my wife before I even met her. My wife Debbie always held him in high regard and had performed in theatre with his wife so I felt the need to meet with them both. After two weeks of practically eating nothing I have finally started to eat again. I was around 190lbs when this happened and have gotten down to around 172lbs. I ran my 4 miles today and went to the gym 3 times last week. I don't know what else to do with myself. I told the owner of the martial arts academy that I have trained at since 1998 that I was going to start coming in again after I put some of the weight I lost back on.

This has devastated me beyond words and like I said before, I found out too late that I loved my wife 1,000 times more than I had thought. This is a horrible pain that I would wish on no man. I understand the reality that time does slowly heal and I suppose that process has started.

I had bought my wife a Smith & Wesson 9mm for Christmas along with 1,000 rounds of practice ammo with my Christmas bonus but my poor wife never got to shoot the gun that she herself picked out. Bob's Gun Shop in Norfolk was kind enough to give me a full refund. We returned the gun and ammo today, I am glad that is behind me. I am going to donate the full refund to Hope for Life Rescue in Virginia Beach which was Debbie's favorite charity.

An old friend of my wife's who was the maid of honor at our wedding 13 years ago is flying in on Monday from Montana to visit for a few days, it should help talking to her. I am trying to block out all the bad stuff that happened on Christmas Day and focus on the good stuff like my wife posting on a picture of us that she put on facebook, "this is what happy looks like" and numerous friends telling me that Debbie said that the her worst day with me was better than her best day without me. It's all I have.

George I really admire you for the way you are handling this. I can relate a lot to what you are going thru. I started my adult life off with a daughter and 3 sons. I am down to 1 son. Although I have (and still am) going thru this somehow I feel that loosing my wife would be quite different in ways. Anyway I don't like to talk about it to anyone but feel like you are on the right path. Its not easy but you will be OK.

George, i am still praying for you as are many more of your friends,many times in my life i understood what job meant when he said ,our life is few days and full of trouble or sorrow,but as god brought him through it ,he is able to do the same to you.god's love will humble us to seek him more,praying for you.

We are proud of you George. I have no idea what it is like, but I'm glad you keep putting one foot in front of the other and move through this crisis. I know the girls worry about you. And like a good father you calm their fears every time they see you up, and moving and talking and doing. Glad to see you are talking with someone with experiecne that can help guide you.

I do disagree with you on the finding out too late about your love for her. You knew it. You felt it. Even before you asked her to marry you. When that thought over took your brain and the wheels started turning about a life together with her. The day she said yes. The day you wed each other. All the little things that go unspoken but are a true sign of Love. The hugs. The playful pinch. Hell, just the look, without so much as a word. Two things stand out to me that she loved you that much also. The first is that she was a women when she agreed to marry you. She wasn't 18 and star-struck with her first love. You both had seen the world. Had friends that had not-so-perfect relationships etc. Yet, as smart adults you both wanted to share your lives and make the commitment. That is huge in these times. She knew you. She knew your quirky ways. She knew your past and the person that had made you what you are. She knew what she was getting, and what she wanted and she said Yes.

She let you bring your CROPie into the kitchen. Smelly, slimy, dripping of fish juice. And I'm sure she giggled out of your view as you made a video about your catch for your online buddies. A women doesn't let uncleaned fish into the kitchen if she doesn't really love you. And that Love is real. It exists and is like it's own glowing energy source. You can't destroy what you and Debbie share (that is not passed tense). It still exists. Tragically, your earthly bodies are not together but your soul and spirit are. The distance feels huge right now. But as time goes, you will feel it around you. Like the Earth and Moon that God gave us, they work together no matter the distance. The attraction is still there. She will help move your tides. And when you are low, know that a high will come. You can still lean on her, and God.

Keep doing whatever you need to do to keep your sanity. You are worth it. And the girls need you and are there for you 24/7 until the end of time. And as so many of your friends have said. Any one of us is here if you ever need something. Even if you just need someone on the phone to listen and agree with you while you vent a bunch of stuff that God will let you take back later. Stay strong, but be weak when you need to. Nothing wrong with that.

Thanks Dayton and all that have offered me encouragement and prayers. The maid of honor from our wedding 13 years ago is flying in today and will be here until Thursday. I am anxious to talk with her as she knew my wife well before I did.

The crazy thing about my marriage to Debbie is that we met playing racquetball on July 26, 2000. (I would never remember this date but she did and I found it in her planner) I think we had one more racquetball date before she left on a missions trip to Bogota, Columbia. After she returned we went on our first non racquetball date September 2nd. 5 weeks later I asked her to marry me and on December 9th, just barely 3 months after our first date we were married. I was 36 and Debbie was 40. There was no doubt that she was the most beautiful woman inside and out that I had ever met.

This is one of my favorite pictures from our first year together.



Another early marriage picture.



And this one from our honey moon 4 months after the wedding.



These pictures are 13 years old but dang if they don't look 30 years old. Life sure ages you a bunch between 40-50.

Been gone for awhile Tap, just found out. Very sorry for your loss, will keep you and your family in my prayers.