Old preacher
Trying to get in shape started riding a bike everywhere he went. Then one day a church member saw him walking rather than biking. He asked " Where's your bike?"
Preacher replied "It got stolen."
Man suggested the preacher bear down on stealing in Sunday's sermon
" Good idea! Come Sunday I am gonna talk on the 10 commandments and really get after Thou shall not steal!"
Come Sunday when the preacher got to the part about thou shall not steal he sped right past it. After service the man approached the preacher and said " I thought you were gonna bear down on stealing. Whatup?"
Preacher replied " Well when I got through with the part about " Thou shall not commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike!"
Crappie bite twice a day. 15 minutes before I get there and 10 minutes after I leave.
The two loudest sounds are a gun that goes bang when it is supposed to go click and one that goes click when it is supposed to go bang.
If you rob Peter to pay Paul, you can generally count on Paul's vote.