Ass whispering. I am one of a dieing breed of ass whisperers. If your ass is giving you problems please contact me, and for a nominal fee I will get your ass back on track. Stubborn asses my specialty, but I have straightened out dumbasses, wise asses, hard asses, and even worked on a bad ass or two in my day. My methods are very gentle and I promise not to kick your ass.
However, do not confuse kindness with weakness and ask that I kiss your ass. I will not do that. I work strictly out of my training facility here in Toano, Va, so you are responsible to get your ass over here if you want it whispered to. Be advised that I am in big demand, and therefore have become selective about what kind of ass I will accept as a client. Have it bathed & have it presentable, or you will be told to take your nasty ass and git on down the road.
Upon completion, you will be given follow-up instructions and an ax handle to be used only if further behavior modification is needed after leaving my facility.