Son, always marry an ugly woman. If you marry a beautiful one she’ll probably leave you for someone else and you’ll be heartbroken. An ugly one can leave you too but you won’t care!

Son, All married people have occasional arguments. Always marry a short woman and keep the guns and knives on high shelves or the top of cabinets. She can still get to them, but at least you can hear her dragging a chair across the floor.