Hey everyone, share a good joke here to lighten us all up!

[Tim The Lippa Rippa Mon]

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter - ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise, they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men promptly started clapping their hand....


Happy new Years!
<,"}>{ Rippa

[FalconSmitty]

1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

you look at the trees in your yard and you think of how wood warming in the sun attracts crappie.

[FalconSmitty]

bada bing

[crap-king]

One day in class the teacher brought in a bag of fruit. "Now class, I am going to reach in this bag and describe a piece of fruit, and I want you to tell me what fruit I am talking about". Okay, first its round, plumb, and red. Of course Piginthepen raised his hand high, but he teacher wisely ignored him because of his dirty mind and picked Debbie, who promptly answered an apple. The teacher said no Debbie it is a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy, and colored bown and redish. Well Piginthepen is hopping up and down in his chair raising his hand but the teacher ignors him again and calls on Billy. Billy says its a peach. No Billy it is a potato, but I like your thinking.Here is another, its long, yellow, and fairly hard. By now Piginthepen is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally . A banana she says. No replies the teacher, its a squash, but I like your thinking. Piginthepen is irritated now, so he loudly speaks up. Hey teacher I got one for you, Let me stick my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and got a head on it. "Piginthepen that's digusting"! Piginthepen says nope, it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crap-king]

You know its going to be a bad night if the police tells you:

If you run you will only go to jail tired.

The handcuffs are tight because they are new. they will strech out after you wear them a while.

So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?

The answer to this question will determine if you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We use to have quotas, but now we are allowed to write all the tickets we want too.

Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again I will write you another ticket!

Life is tough, its tougher when you are stupid.

In God we trust, all others are suspects.

[PIGINTHEPIGPEN]

One day in class the teacher brought in a bag of fruit. "Now class, I am going to reach in this bag and describe a piece of fruit, and I want you to tell me what fruit I am talking about". Okay, first its round, plumb, and red. Of course Piginthepen raised his hand high, but he teacher wisely ignored him because of his dirty mind and picked Debbie, who promptly answered an apple. The teacher said no Debbie it is a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy, and colored bown and redish. Well Piginthepen is hopping up and down in his chair raising his hand but the teacher ignors him again and calls on Billy. Billy says its a peach. No Billy it is a potato, but I like your thinking.Here is another, its long, yellow, and fairly hard. By now Piginthepen is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally . A banana she says. No replies the teacher, its a squash, but I like your thinking. Piginthepen is irritated now, so he loudly speaks up. Hey teacher I got one for you, Let me stick my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and got a head on it. "Piginthepen that's digusting"! Piginthepen says nope, it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crap-King Now that is Funny :D
Did Santa give you a joke book for Xmas? Because that's way to funny to come from you I like it

[Jigman]

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on
the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to
belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully
bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully
bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."


.........You're gonna love this..........


The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

[PIGINTHEPIGPEN]

Now that's a good one :D

[crap-king]

Crap-King Now that is Funny :D
Did Santa give you a joke book for Xmas? Because that's way to funny to come from you I like it

Nope but I like the way your thinking

[squirrel hunter]

The third grade English teacher instructs the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Suzy raises her hand and says," Teacher, I am fascinated by the way you teach this class ". The teacher tells her that she used the word "fascinated" instead of "fascinate". Little Johnny raise his hand and says, "My sister got a new sweater with 10 buttons but her boobs are so big she can only............... you got it! fasten eight"