Hey everyone, share a good joke here to lighten us all up!

[horseshoer]

Students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In vet medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor."

"The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and explained,
"The second most important quality is observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"

[Tim The Lippa Rippa Mon]

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon
making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter),
and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the crap
out of a ghost.":D :D :D

Now this was funny!! Thanks for sharing!!

<,"}/>{ Rippa

[gahunter]

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

<,"}/>{ Rippa

GOOD one:D

[shadow]

After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed British scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read: "British archaeologists have found traces of 200-year-old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, "The Dail y Iberian" reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 meters in cane fields near New Iberia, Gaston Boudreaux, a self-taught archeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Gaston has, therefore, concluded that 300 years ago Cajuns were already using wireless."

[shadow]

Boudreaux was shopping at the Wal-Mart when he ran into his old friend Thibodeaux outside the jewelry section. Thibodeaux noticed that Boudreaux had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand.

"So,what you done bought dere, Boud?" Thib asked.

"Mais, now that you done asked me that," replies Boudreaux, "it was time to buy my Chlotile's birthday present and this morning when I asked her what she done want me to get her, she say, 'Oh, me I don't know, sha, just so it got a lot of diamonds in it.'" "So, what you done got for her, Boud?" Ole Thib asked.

Boudreaux,smiling proudly, replied, "Maise, I got her a deck of cards.."

[ejones1961]

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.

People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several embarrassing times that
I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You go nna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm
trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl,Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming newborn when you ne ed her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!"

"No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes
of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count
four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

"Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.

"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?" More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on t he door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!"

I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. As I sheepishly opened the door, and found an open sink, I thought, Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my privacy?

But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Written by Shannon Popkin, who is a freelance writer, and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms.)

[Glowgood Jigster]

My sister had three children before I was born. I recall this story she told me for your entertainment.
Shopping at a big department store in the early 60's with her three young children, my sister hears the usual,: "I gotta go potty!" from the youngest, my niece. The oldest brother replies, " I know where the bathroom is, me and Jim will take her!" She agrees, and away they go. Next thing to happen is the store manager coming to confront my sister, three little kids in tow...
"Are these your children?" he says. "Yes, why do you ask?" "Your little girl just went potty in our bathroom fixture display!" says the manager.
HEY, they meant well...