Today I plan to ride my bicycle. Been some time since I had ridden. It is amazing at the difference in my ability to balance between when I was a kid and now. Shaky with the handle bars with one hand. I suppose that is how age creeps up on you. Maybe I should wait to drink a bunch of beer until after I am done riding.


Wife and I like to ride the trails. Gives her an opportunity to gab incessantly about all the meaningless dribble she finds interesting. Every so often someone will shout at us. “Passing on the Left”. Then they go zooming past. Makes me wish I had gotten an EBike. One that screams along at 30MPH so I can yell at people. EBikes allow you to peddle when you want to peddle, and ride when you want to just ride. They go uphill, too. That is the part that I suspect I would like best.

We see quite a few EBikes while out riding. Young people ride them, but mostly it is old farts with their wretched knees. They look like they might be fast enough to outrun a bear. Maybe not.

I visited cycle shops and saw that they want an amazing amount of money for a regular bike. Wally World had us two bikes for $400 something together. Cycle shops started at 500 each. Then there are all the accessorization that must happen. I say must happen. I got LiveScope mounted on my handlebars. We each have lights facing forward for night time riding. A bell. The city has an ordinance that says all cycles must have a front and rear light at night, and a bell at all times. In case you crash. You have something to do while lying in the ditch. You can ring your bell for ambulatory service. Ring Ring……nurse nurse get the hearse I am getting worse.

Actually, taking a wicked spill is very much a part of cycling as an adult. As kids we get up and rub some dirt on our injuries and ride on brother. I realize that I might crash and come away with difficult to heal injuries. I wear my helmet and I try to be careful. Sooner or later I will go down.

They have apps for bike riding. One said give us your credit card to prove that you are an adult, click agree to all these terms, and we promise not to charge the card. Hmmmmmm……..

The app I am using now shows speed, fastest speed achieved, time and distance and a GPS map showing location. I got a mount for the handle bars. Last trip out we went 3 miles one way, and then back for a total of six miles. Each trip out we go a little further. My legs need to work their way up to this riding stuff. She does leg exercizes all the time so it is easier for her, but still she mentions the way her legs feel when done.

Gliding silently along the path we surprise squirrels and such. I holler passing on the right and she wobbles some.

Ours are mountain bikes. I want to ride sally ride some of the trails we have hiked. She does not want to ride trails just yet. Says she is concerned about crashing. I said it is just dirt, not hard asphalt like the other trails. We both agree we will not venture out onto the highway. That is just idiocy. Taunting those that drive large cars at high speed. When steel meets flesh and bone, steel wins every time. Squish you go and all for what ? Just to show you have a right to ride on the road, too ?

Not long ago I had an encounter with an angry bike rider. Out on the four lane O’Dark hundred, people trying to get to work. Huge beautiful bike lane, and he wanted to ride in the middle of the right lane. Until I came round towing the boat. Then he was cussing up a storm and wanted to fight, and so I stopped and got out. He saw me and took off. I hollered- “Wait…. come back I want my lesson”. So riding the roads is not a good idea. I actually used to bury them folks. So sad, struck down during the fever of life. Wasted lives, but they got their point across maybe. Their right to ride the road, too.

One morning about two decades ago my brother and I encountered a gaggle of idiots that refused to ride single file. They would turn around and look at us and just keep going. I wanted to blow the horn but my brother was behind the wheel. It was like they wanted us to see how much fun they were having. Finally we got around them. Then down the road he decides to stop and get some gas. Well sure enough here they came, and then stopped at the traffic light right there at the gas station. I walked towards them and started telling them how stupid they were. That they looked silly. Like a bunch of Court Jesters. On and on the insults just sort of flowed out of my mouth. They just got mad and when the light turned, off they went. Up ahead we encountered them again and I shouted out “Cowards” as we passed them. Might have been a bird flying in the area, never know.

So I have zero plans to dress up like a Court Jester and hound people as they try to go down the highway. We shall stick to nature trails and such where we see only the beautiful stuff. The trail she likes best is paved over top of some old RailRoad tracks. The right of way would cost millions to accumulate today. Swampy all around and moskeeters can’t alight upon your thinnest skin parts when you are moving at super duper high speed. Yes, we average about 8 mph. Which is blazing fast if you didn’t already realize.

We are going riding again today. Same trail she always wants to ride. I suppose we will stretch it out some and go for an incredible 8 miles. Very few people can ride 8 miles on a mountain bike, down an asphalt trail, carrying all that extra weight of the light, phone, and bell. Very few. That is why so many get them EBikes. They let the battery and motor do the work. I am supposed to be getting exercise. I really don’t much care for exercise. I should have gotten the EBike. Zoom Zoom…..look at me.

My doctor is always harping on me getting some exercise Who cares I only see him twice a year. He doesn’t know that mostkly I sit in the shade and drink beer. I mean maybe he does, but really does it matter ? We all shall perish. Life is like a vapor. Here today gone tomorrow with lots of stuff in between. I don’t see the need to just add in a dose of exercise when we can just sit in the shade and drink beer and stare out at the creation meant for us to enjoy. I like flavored alcoholic drinks, too. Moonshine, stuff like that. Never fooled with the dope stuff. I tried coffee and liked that. Tried cigarettes, liked them. Tried beer, liked that. Whiskey, liked that. So I knew that if I tried dope, that I would like that, too. I would be a true mess today had I just tried that stuff. I see the sadness it generates in them what dare try it.

My Kid brother is coming to visit later today. So after the ride I will relax some and maybe visit the grocery store. Watch some Foo-Ball out in my manly man lair. The garage. There there is none to request the volume be adjusted to a ridiculously low level. No one cares if you spill your beer or dribble cheese sauce on the floor. No one to suggest a Romantic Comedy take the place of foo-ball. Just me and my pups, altogether with our snacks and cold beer. I even have a fridge in the garage, and yes there is some cold beer kept in there.

Well time to see if she is ready to head off on our biking adventure.