My friend Timmy and his IBS

[jtholder00]

Infamous act #1.. We were out bow fishin one night below a dam.. we were out in two different boats.. Timmy and I and another friend.. We are going along and I look in the back of the boat and Timmy is doubled over holding his stomach.. I ask him what the matter is, and he responds that he thinks his appendix has ruptured.. I kind of chucked and responded.. your appendix? and he said.. yea.. take me to the hospital.. Well we trolled back to the bank while yelling at the other boat that we had to go to the hospital because Timmy, who I was very surprised even knew he had an appendix, thought he was about to die.. Me and the other guy are loading the boat up.. and we are about to get in the truck.. and what?? No Timmy.. So we holler out for him and he doesn't respond.. We shine our spot light over across some 3 foot high weeds and all of a sudden there is Timmy's head stickin up.. I guess his appendix was in liquid form, because he was blowin some stew..

Even Better #2... We are out at a local lake about to go do some bass fishing.. We are using a 12 foot V-Hull Aluminum boat.. Timmy gets a pain and asks me if there is anywhere he can use the bathroom.. I jokingly tell him in the water is about the only place around.. Lets take a minute and set the scene.. This lake is called Black Bayou.. a very nice man made lake that is primarily a recreational lake which is surrounded by some of the nicest most expensive houses you can find.. They even charge you a $60 fee for a lake pass just to be on the water.. this is a nice place..
Well.. The boat is down in the water by the dock.. I walk back up to my truck to get some stuff.. and when Im walking back down.. there is Timmy taking my suggestions to heart with the water.. But, does he hang it off the dock?? No.. Does he go down by the water and squat??? No.. He hangs his 240lb butt of the side of the V-hull while trying to lean back into the dock for leverage.. Well.. as you can guess.. Leverage and water don't mix.. so the boat starts to drift away from the dock and it tips over.. with him.. his pants down.. and poo in the neighborhood.. Needless to say.. we never put a pole in the water.. well Timmy did.. but..

And the grand finally.. #3
We were all out camping at my deer camp in the middle of July a few years back.. We have a camper up there.. but my dad and mom were staying in it.. so me, Timmy, his brother, and my cousin all had to sleep in the Suburban.. Well.. it was extremely hot in the truck so we were all pretty much down to shorts and we rolled down the back glass.. well sometime later we awoke to a scream.. my cousin said something flew in and landed on him.. so we laughed it off but then noticed Timmy wasn't in the truck.. so we were all like where is he.. for some unknown reason I reached down and turned on the headlights.. and there about 15 yards straight ahead was Timmy.. butt naked on a 5 gallon bucket taking a crap.. He said he was too scared to go to the out house because it was right by the woods.. but he had no problem sitting butt naked on a bucket.. Said he pulled off his shorts so they wouldn't get dirty..

I guess the moral of the story is.. when you got to go.. you got to go..

[snal]

Hey!...call me Timmy! Been suffering from IBS for 20 some years...now keep a porta potti in the boat...I've landed fish while using the throne as a pedistal seat. IBS is the "candid camera" disease..."anytime...anywhere...when you least expect it....Bam!" Being a few hundred backstrokes from a restroom is a sure fire IBS trigger! Ya learn to swim against the current....LOL!