Bill Of No Rights

We the people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore justice, preserve domestic tranquility, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common-sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, quilt-ridden, delusional, victim-wanna-bes and grievence gurus.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: That a whole lot of people are dreadfully confused by the Bill of Rights, and could benefit from a “Bill of No Rights.”

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This county is based on freedom for everyone----not just you!!! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc…, but always remember the world is full of offensive idiots.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free of harm. If you stick a screwdriver in you eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help those in need, but many are growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, health care is not a high priority.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if others want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARITICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of your neighbors, don’t be surprised if others get together and lock you away.

ARTICLE VIII: You don’t have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We have oppressive governments. However, Americans do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of their time and resources squabbling with each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don’t have the right to a job. Everyone wants you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training available to you, and to make yourself useful and productive.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness, which---by the way---is a lot easier if you are not encumbered by an over-abundance of idiotic laws created by those who are confused by the original Bill of Rights.