What do you do?

[SwampHunter]

I have a buddy that I grew up with. We always hunted and fished together. We fought along side each other on several occasions. He's a real type A personality and does exactly what he wants to do. Normally I can talk to him, but he has changed quite a bit. Now he has this attitude that he is going to have a much fun as he can before he dies. He got to where he wanted to play the field because his wife was too boring and didn't want to be tied down. He has done 5 combat tours in his career. He was a sniper assigned to an airborne division for 3 tours. For 2 tours he was a squad leader assigned to a cavalry division. He has seen quite a bit of action but this last tour really took it's toll on him. He and his wife of 14 years started the process of getting a divorce right before his last deployment. He started dating a young girl that he met while he was still stateside. While in country he got served his divorce and he had to return to wrap up loose ends. While he was stateside I got to talk to him for a bit. I could tell that he was not quite right. He told me a little bit about what happened but then his girlfriend showed up so we didn't get to finish our conversation. He got everything squared away and hit the sand again. A year later he returns and he is in worse shape. He moves his girlfriend in with him. I am dead serious when I say this girl is at his side all of the time. If she is not at his side she is on the phone with him. She doesn't want him talking about what happened overseas. They came over to the house several times and when he and I walked outside to talk she would follow us out, so I haven't been able to talk to him about what happened. Not too long after he returns he and his girlfriend start using drugs. At first it's just a bit of extacy and it's just on the party scene. They start hanging out with one of the local meth users. No big deal as they used to be really tight friends in school. He told me he had it under control and I believed he did. He always kept the drug use to a minimum and wouldn't let it consume him.
A few months later my buddy and his girlfriend move to a bigger city since he got a job there. I haven't been able to make it over there since it's so far. It's been a few months since I have seen them. A couple of days ago they came back here and stopped in to see me and my wife. They both look really bad and I could tell they were geeking on something. They both looked like they were anorexic. You have to realize that this guy has always been fit and kept his appearence up. His girlfriend was some highspeed softball player as well. She used to look like she was cut like a diamond. Now she looks like she was smoked like a crack rock.
It wasn't just him that got meesed up. Everyone that was in his squad is either on drugs or alcohol heavily. I have another buddy that was in his squad. He is messed up pretty bad. Close to three months after being back stateside he hitched a ride with the next available unit and went back to the sand.

I think my buddy is too far gone. I really don't think he would want to quit doing what he is doing. I really and truely think he is way too far from rationalization.

What would you do in this situation?

[father of 4]

Well your a wonderful person for trying to help him. I would try my best to get him alone and try and talk to him about what happened to him for one since keeping it balled inside may be one of his problems. Offer to take him to your local VA for detox. See if he maybe wants you to take him and try and maybe get assistance for ptsd (Post Tramatic Stress Dissorder) You may be the one to save his life. If he cant talk to his gf about what happened then maybe hes with the wrong person. Someone who loves you should not only stick by you but also listen to you when you need to talk as well. God Bless you and your friend and also the main thing is, talk to your Wife and make sure she is in agreement with you as well. Good Luck

[Glowgood Jigster]

PRAY FOR HIM! EVERY TIME YOU THINK OF HIM, PRAY FOR HIM. SOMETIMES THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO, AND IT CAN DO WONDERS. WHAT HE NEEDS WILL HAVE TO COME FROM GOD. HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO.

[DRPEPPER]

I wished I had an answer for you. If I did I would fix my son. But, I have learned there are things in this life that I can't fix. I hope I find out why someday that drugs and evil women can latch on to a guy and he can't (will not) get loose.
Good advice has already been given. Pray and keep your wife informed of any actions you might take. They need to know they are priority in you life.
DP

[Fishn N Wishn]

All you can do is pray and hope god works it out.I had a friend like that.I tried to talk to him and he said my momma is dead I don't need a babysitter.Needless to say we haven't spoke since thanksgiving day(06).What I'm getting at is if you try to talk to him b4 he is ready it probably will be worse,and maybe lose a friend all the way around.Just PRAY for him/her.

[fishman247]

my older brother had drug problems after being in the navy and going to the first gulf war.......same responses"i got ikt under control""who are you? my mother?"after seeing him lose everything he had to drugs(including his daughters) i drove all the way from nc to michigan and WHOOPED HIS A$$.told him that was a wake up call from someone who truely cared......

2 years later he is remarried,has his girls back and is DRUG FREE!!!!
he thanks me every time i see him

[beenfishin?]

I got a buddy that was into dope. Nothin like what your talkin bout, but I just told him that I had to quit hangin with him cuss I didn't like who he had become, but remember, I will always be here to help you out! Well, after several months he called me up and said he was gonna quit, could I spend some time with him to help him "stay busy". We been huntin together ever since and he is doin fine. May not work in your situation, seems to me like he has already cut some ties with you. Pray all day long every day and be there when he starts to wake up. That is all you can do. The worst thing you can do is help him if he gets into trouble. Let him learn from his losses and wait till he is TRULY ready to stop.

[SwampHunter]

Way back when I was younger I was on cocaine and speed really bad. There was nothing anyone could say nor do that would make me change. I had to do it on my own. The first thing I done was got away from the crowd that I got high with. Coming off the drugs was hard but I beat it.
I understand that he has to want to quit and get straight before anything that anyone else can do will work.
Hopefully my buddy will grow out of it and realize there is more to life than just a party. I hate to see him in this shape because his kids needing him.

[anchorpuller]

Way back when I was younger I was on cocaine and speed really bad. There was nothing anyone could say nor do that would make me change. I had to do it on my own. The first thing I done was got away from the crowd that I got high with. Coming off the drugs was hard but I beat it.
I understand that he has to want to quit and get straight before anything that anyone else can do will work.
Hopefully my buddy will grow out of it and realize there is more to life than just a party. I hate to see him in this shape because his kids needing him.

I think you just answered your own question. From experience, you realize that you cannot impose your will on anyone else, no matter how strongly your heart hurts for the person. All you can do is let him know how you feel and that you will be there when he is ready. As cliche' as it has become, there is an awful lot of truth in the prayer

God grant me the serenity to
Accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

[beenfishin?]

Way back when I was younger I was on cocaine and speed really bad. There was nothing anyone could say nor do that would make me change. I had to do it on my own. The first thing I done was got away from the crowd that I got high with. Coming off the drugs was hard but I beat it.
I understand that he has to want to quit and get straight before anything that anyone else can do will work.
Hopefully my buddy will grow out of it and realize there is more to life than just a party. I hate to see him in this shape because his kids needing him.

Friend, I will be praying for the both of you! You've been there so you know how to recognize it when he is ready, that is good enough. As for his kids, well, I know it is harsh, but there suffering may well be what it takes to get his attention. Prayers will continue.