Getting old

[Eager Beaver]

>
> Garage Door
>
> The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was
down and his fly area wide open.. His assistant walked up to him and
said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage
door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked
into his office puzzled by the question.
>
> As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open,
and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his
'garage door.'
>
> He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When
my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
> She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with
two flat tires..
> __________________________________________________ ____________________
>
> Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years
old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my
age. How do you feel?'
> Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
> 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
> 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
>
>
>
> Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase
at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
> After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him
to the elevator.
> On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
> 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.'
>
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>
> Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,
but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
..
> Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his
chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
> 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
> 'Sure..'
> 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she
asks.
> 'No, I can remember it.'
> 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write
it down, so not to forget it?'
> He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'
> 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
down?' she asks.
> Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
sake!'
> Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man
returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..
She stares at the plate for a moment.
> 'Where's my toast ?'
>
>
>
>
> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> 'So I hear you're getting married?'
> 'Yep!'
> 'Do I know her?'
> 'Nope!'
> 'This woman, is she good looking?'
> 'Not really.'
> 'Is she a good cook?'
> 'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
> 'Does she have lots of money?'
> 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
> 'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
> 'I don't know.'
> 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
> 'Because she can still drive!'
>
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>
>
> I especially love this next one.
>
> Three old guys are out walking.
> First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
> Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
>
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>
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
really doing great, aren't you?'
> Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.''
> The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur; be careful.'
>
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> One more.. . .!
>
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath,
he ordered a banana split.
> The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
> 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
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[roybuoy]

some good ones Bev

[Don G]

:D:D:D Some pretty good ones...

["G"]

Hey DonG.....we'll have to ask CanePole if all this is really true, Lmao

[Cane Pole]

good........

[gabowman]

It is getting late...made me laugh out loud.:D:D

[beagle man]

pretty darn funny.

[creekslick]

Funny

[Frank C]

Funny, but some stuff i can relate to.