Maybe someone would donate a fishing trip for the best lie. :D
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Maybe someone would donate a fishing trip for the best lie. :D
This is the funniest post in the stories forum. It's been here since 7-14-2005 and still no fisherman here has told a lie.
I think we are all still trying to decide which one to tell.;)
I saw a bumpersticker once that read,,I FISH,,THEREFORE I LIE .I also think the one thats most used is,man you shouda been here yesterday,we wore them out.had to almost hide to bait your hook!!!!!!!!
The problem with this thread is, as the old saying goes THE FIRST LIAR AIN'T GOT A CHANCE. I'm waitin...izzy
Hahaha, I bet I ain't the only one that's already told one on this site:eek: ;) :D :cool:
Every word that crosses these lips is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.:eek: Well there ya go I was the first. Did i tell ya i caught a Flathead yeterday. Had so many rusty hooks in his lips, I sold him for scrap iron afore i got home. Did'nt get to weigh it , but the picture is close to 4 pounds...izzy:D :D
Me and a buddy of mine decided to take his boat out flounder giggin' at Ocean Isle Beach, NC one night. We always use his boat, because it is set up for it , with lights and generator. Well we were doing pretty good when he decided to run into the inlet on incoming tide. We poled the boat as best we could in the shallows next to the bank. We picked up several fish coming in with the tide, all of which were bigger than any we had caught earlier that night. We decided to turn around a go back, then come up the other side since the fish were so big. Mind you while fishing this way, usually we take turns. One poles us with the handle of one gig, while the other stands on the front with another gig looking for flounder. Well it was my turn and we headed up the other side. I picked up a couple of nice ones. Then we come up on what looked like the out lined tail of a flounder, but it was huge. I didn't say anything 'cause I had to make sure first. The boat went over his tail and I followed his out line. Then I saw his head. Then I knew it was a fish. His eyes shined like silver dollars in the light and I drove that gig square between his eyes and held tight. Mean while my buddy starts hollaring from the back of this 16ft jon saying help, help I got a huge flounder. Trying to hold my fish and look at him in the back to see what he had, I realized we had gigged the same fish:eek: ;) :D .
See, i told ya hehe...izzy
Dad used to have a sign hanging in the garage that said "All fishermen are liars except for you and me and I'm beginning to wonder about you".:D
Jim
I wish it werent so. My buddie and myself were out and had slaughtered the bass we had about 8 bass in the ice chest(alive) that weighed well over 40# when we cam acroos the onle other fisherman on the lake. And the normal bs starts. "catch anything?" I answer to him "Nope only had one bite but missed him" no way was i going to let anyone know my spot.
I was fishing from the banks of the mighty muddy Green river in central Ky. The water had a single wake in the center,heading to the bridge ,it stopped and up came the biggest catfish ever! It could not get threw the pilers of the bridge! It managed to back upstream I heard it comming and then it jumped the bridge. Just as it hit the water a real big crappie swallowed him!
Rowdy
P.S. I have more!
I don't ever lie about fishing.;)
One time my partner and I were getting ready to launch at a bass tournament, when a friend of ours asked us which way we were going, upstream or down? well, I pointed down and he pointed up. we both looked at each other and started to laugh, as my spot was up and his was down.
The guy just turned around and walked off.
JC
I carried an older friend drift fishing for catfish. We were rippin them cats a new one! We had caught @ 25+ fish on the first drift. One boat passed close enuff to talk. The guy asks if we were doing any good . Our reply was ''naw''. He proceedes to tell us about his 1 catfish and recommends us to switch baits. We were using turkey liver and he suggest we swap to shrimp. We wound up landing 86 that morning! So every time we went after that ,the joke was we should have used shrimp.
My family moved to a small town on the Watts Bar Lake when I was about ten years old, to get away from Oak Ridge, perhaps to evade the nuclear threat looming over the city, but mostly to get to a great fishing area. Even the prominent fishing dock on the dike, built to keep the Clinch River out of the town, had sea planes to take folks to the backwaters of Watts Bar for fantastic fishing experiences.
This lake provided many good times fishing, skiing, swimming, riding the TVA river boat waves while swimming across the river, and many, many fish, that Dad and I would clean, and maybe enjoy then or freeze or even have a neighborhood fish fry.
But the fish guts were always a problem, right? Well, being raised on a farm, he would bury the fish guts etc in the area where we had a small garden, and the remains did wonders for the vegetables that followed. During one very hot summer he ran out of space since the garden was producing to the max, and every nook and cranny was used, and overflowing with ripe tomatoes, corn, beans, squash, and the flowers he would also raise, the daliahs being his favorite. He had the omnipotent green thumb.
What to do with the fish guts? He spied the other side of the yard, which had adjoined an old farm, where an old barb wire fence separated the properties.
Actually this entire hill north of the town, which later became mostly a residential area, was a huge farm during the 1800's and commanded a spectacular view where the Tennessee and Clinch Rivers join, named Southwest Point, a military fort during the Indian Wars of the early years. It was here on the fence line where he promptly dug a hole and deposited the fish heads, innards and other parts which were of no more use to us or the fish. He later learned a way to filet a fish so that you have the carcass as one piece plus two skins instead of head, skins and carcass separately. The old dead wood fence posts adjacent to the hole must have been there 100 years but had green sprouts in the morning. Must have been the fish tails.
Very nice. ;)
When I was a newlywed, my sweet bride heard the guys talking about fishing and she told me the biggest lie I ever heard --- YOU CATCH UM ANF I WILL CLEAN UM AND COOK UM. to this day 25 years later she does not know how to clean fish.
FMab
One hot afternoon I went fishing because I was hungry and wanted to eat some fish. Grabbed up my canepole, worm can, and my pocketknife I had found down on the creek after some tourists had left.
Caught some bluegill out of a clearwater stream that ran at the back of the property. I was having all kinds of fun a little kid can have on a sandbar waiting for the next nibble. Suddenly a gust of wind hit me in the back really hard. Sand blew down the sandbar as the trees began to sway upcreek. I realized that a terrible late summer thunderstorm was blowing up behind me. I grabbed by cane pole, worm can, and the tree branch end that I had made a stringer out of that held the bluegill.
Being just a kid, I couldn't run very fast. Plus, I was really hungry. Faint from the heat, fear of the swirling black storm clouds overhead, and lack of food, I fell down flat on my face as big rain drops began to beat me in the back really hard. Realized that some of the pelting was pea-sized hail stones, too. Hungry, I looked at the fish, but I had been raised that you don't eat raw fish for you would get worms.
If I remember right, I started to cloud up and cry like a little girl when a kaboom of thunder and the bright flash of lightening got my attention really quick. Ground lightening struck a dead pine tree right beside me. I mean right beside me! Tired, scared, and panicking, I rolled over and ski-daddled into the woods and down into a deep dark gulley. Fell face down again into the mud and slid to the bottom of the deep gulley when another kaboom of lightening struck near the tree again but hit the ground---right where I had left my homemade fishing tackle.
A faint plume of smoke rose from the dried broomstraw and being more afraid of a forest fire than lightening, I grabbed up a handful of wet mud and ran back to where the lightening had hit. Much to my surprise, the lightening had hit the fish and cooked them. Well, burned most of them, but some were salvageable, so I dropped the mud onto the smoking grass and smeared the rest onto my jeans to clean my hands.
I ate the pieces of cooked fish as fast as I could and went back to the safety of the gulley to wait out the fury of the storm. Shaking from the cold rain, I finally made it home about an hour later. Mom was mad at me because of the mud on my clothes, but atleast I had a full belly.
disclaimer: all the above is a fib.
Here it is!
love it hogpaw
A bass struck at my lure once that was so big, when he missed my lure he swallowed 4 acres of woodland.
Hey Bowcatz............... I had it figured out right after the clearwater stream part been in Missisiipi since 68 and still ain't found no clearwater stream!:D Most of the time I'm looking for one that just less muddy than the other:p
john
Hey if we used a lightning rod, how long would you have to leave them fish tied up in order to have them cooked just right......... 2 or 3 milli-seconds?:D
that by george is more of a "trap" than if she said "i'm pregnat"Quote:
Originally Posted by Fmab
And the winner is.......
six words "I swear it was this big"
Bowcatz, you should write a book!!!!!!!!
Everytime I go fishing, it is amazing.
The wind is always perfect
The water clarity is just right
Every brushpile is loaded with 3 lb Crappie
Every time I pulled to the ramp, someone offers to clean my fish.
It just couldn't EVER be any better.
Titleman
HogPaw, thats funny, i just caught one like that last night!!! I think mine was an inch or two bigger though ;). LOL, that would be a heck of a fight!!
There are no best or good lies. Only bad ones. You shouldn't have to lie for people to like you.
First lier doesn't have a chance!
THE BANDIT
This may be just a story, but here goes anyway...
When I was a young boy about 7 or 8 years old, my Dad and my uncle would take me down to the Congaree River to fish for bream along the banks. Some evenings, we would walk for a mile or so, each with thier own cane pole trying out different spots we would come upon. Well one day, I was in charge of the cricket bucket and slipped and fell and the crickets got loose everywhere. As I was scrambling to get the crickets back in the bucket, I had my right hand full of crickets, my left hand full of crickets, and nice big juicy cricket crawling up my left forearm. Now being only 7 and not wanting to let a single one of these crickets get away, I decided I was gonna catch him with the only thing I had left.... my mouth!! Well about the time I opened up and lunged for him, he jumped and lets just say the fish weren't the only ones biting crickets that day......
Now, I have no memory of that day, but that was the story my Dad told me and now you know why they call me the Toad!!!! ;)
Like You Said [it May Be A Story] But Its A Good One :)
you should have seen the one i missed!
Her Diary
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.
He seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
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His Diary
I only caught three crappie today, but at least I got laid.
>>THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
>>
>>Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to
>>my husband that my breasts were too small. Instead of
>>caracteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically
>>comes up with a suggestion.
>>
>>"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
>>toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
>>
>>Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and
>>stood front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts "How long
>>will this take?" I asked.
>>
>>"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replied.
>>
>>I stopped. "Do you really think! rubbing a piece of toilet paper
>>between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the
>>years?"
>>
>>Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
>>
>>He is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even
>>walk again.
>>
>>Stupid, stupid man.
>>
My wife caught me with the biggest fishing lie ever, "I like to fish."
Seth
My wife told me I can go fishing any time and as much as I want before we got married. I still have not got up enough nerve to test her though.
Guessin' she'd let you know real quick.
seth
Me and my Foster Brother took my Dads Bass boat out one eay when we were both home from the Millitary. We left our Wives at my folks. Well we went out there on good ole Sam Rayburn and didnt catch a darned thing. After I droped him off at the boat ramp to get the truck and back the trailer down, I saw something pretty big floating out in the water. Well come to find out it was a9 1/2 pound black bass. Deader-n- a doornail. Well I decided to pick it up and take it home so me and him could show all what we cought. They believed us and even took pics. Then they figured it out that it was dead when that all too smelly odor started filling the room. He I dont really know any PURE honest fishermen lol.