Buying a Kid a Bow

[zinsurance]

This was too funny for me not to share


Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little awesome compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40horse Farmall
tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough son of a gun.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old , Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up Tshirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasnt any fire danger.. I'll put it this way , a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well. One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard.
I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump.
I thought that it would probably just spray out in a dissapointing manner.... lets face it to a 10 yr. old mouth- breather like myself, ether really doesn't "sound" flammable.
So,
I went back into the house and got a 1-pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).. At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out. No biggie... 1 lb pyrodex and 16 oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? ...heck with that, Im going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too.

Now we're cookin'. I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2-stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a 'clunk' as the arrow launched from my bow.. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH crap he just got home from work. So help me God, it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTH look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can.... Oh **** !!!

When the shock wave hit , it knocked me off my feet. I dont know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound.

I caught a half a milisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as i could see. It was like a little low-to-the-ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.
There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.
Notice I said "was".
That mother got up and ran off.

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my thundercats Tshirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Viet Nam flashback,

'ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE, YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE CEASE FIRE!!!!!'

His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway.
All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft over our backyard.
There is a Honda 185cc 3-wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.
I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment.
I dont know- I know I said something. I couldnt hear.
I couldnt hear inside my own head. I dont think he heard me either.... not that it would really matter.
I dont remember much from this point on..

I said something,.... felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later.
I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea.

I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more.
Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again....Thanks mom !

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again.
Mom had been complaining about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.
Dad sold his muzzloaders a week or so later.

I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating. Or both.
I guess what im trying to say is, get your kids into archery. Its good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

[CastandBlast]

Good story.....reminds me of when I filled a garbage full of acetylene an blew it (in town no less)....thanks for the laugh.

[bc1448]

Thanks for the story! That is hilarious! :D:D:D
Blake

[ReelFunGuy]

It is funny that Acetylene comes to mind, when I was a kid we had a Acetylene Generator and it used a dry chemical called calcium of carbide that when mixxed with water creates Acetylene gas under pressure, most applications use about 2 to 5 psi but if you don't regulate it and just take a 1 gallon paint can and a teaspoon of carbide you can get about 14psi if you just hammer the lid on it, but if you take a 10 penny nail and punch a hole in the top and another one about a inch from the bottom on the side and then light the one on top it will burn untile the Oxygen being pulled in from the side reaches just the right mix to become explosive and then it goes off like a 105 Howlitzer.
But if you take a Cup of Carbide and a Quart of water and a 5 gallon paint can and hammer the lid back on it reall fast it is not very long before the sides of the can starts to bulge a little bit .
Now when I was a kid they did not know what Pyrodex was so at our house we had regular ole black powder, I had taken close to a pound of powder and that 5 gallon paint can, (that I picked up very carfully) around on the far side of the barn and put a small pile of powder down and set the can right up next to that, then I made a trail of powder around the corner of the barn and lit it with an old licifer match, (this sounds like it aught to be a short story, but it aint), the powder took right off and around the corner it went but all it did was make a kind of a POOF sound and then a real loud shrile whistle started, my curiosity over rid my fear of being blown up so I looked around the corner of the barn and about that time the Acetylene burnin inside the can and suckin Oxygen into the can reached the (just right mix), blew up with an explosion that would have made a Civil War Cannon proud and taking a fair chunk out of the barn wall out and shortly after that, 8 milk cows took the doors out of the other side of the barn.
My Dad came out of the house just in time to be run down by the stampede but he wasn't hurt to bad, I instantly become one of those Swamie type guys that could see the future and none of it looked good for me I saw pictures of long Willow switches, (the worst thing in the world is to growup with a willow tree near your house), and I could have been on that tv show (Dancin with the stars), (My Dad liked to hold ya by the left arm while you were gittin your whoopin and kinda dance you in a circle), and by stars I dont mean no celebrities.
The cows, well half of them quite given milk for a week and the other half gave milk that wasn't worth drinkin.
I would give a lot to be able to forget a lot of stuff from my childhood hahahahahahah
Wish you all a good day to spend fishing!!
Rusty

[zinsurance]

Good story rusty, the worst part of the willow tree thing is when you've gotta choose the switch your getting whooped with

[Fatman]

OH MAN please hide these so the kids don't see em!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My son pulled that one, heard me tell a friend a story and then we heard the boom from the back yard. NOT GOOD.

Be safe all

Fatman

[J White]

Dang. I guess my 'magination wasn't that good as a kid.

Worse trouble I ever got in with a bow was when I took a XX75
and filled it FULL of small pistol primers... They will go in through the
insert end with the point removed, and although I don't remember an
exact count, a full length 2117 will hold several boxes (several hundred)
Haul off and shoot it against a block wall, and it makes a pretty interesting
pop, but lets just say you won't do it but once with that arrow :D

Well, then there was the time I couldn't pull the compound back by myself,
but I saw something in a book about a "footbow" so I figured out I could
lay on my back, riser on my feet, and draw 65# with both hands...
I was about 14 at the time.
Got caught sending the better part of a dozen cedar target arrows off into
parts unknown...

I had a PRETTY understanding mentor - all the heck I caught was a lecture
about not putting my eyes out playing with primers, and not to be shooting
cedars out of the compound. I think inside he was laughing too hard to bust
on me much

[ReelFunGuy]

Z, I think we must have come up in the same neck of the woods, the more I read that the funnier it getts, I never got a Bow like that but I had a couple of red rubber inner tubes and you can make a slingshot with those that will put a wristrocket to shame.
Have a good day and may you spend it fishing!!
Rusty

This was too funny for me not to share


Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little awesome compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40horse Farmall
tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough son of a gun.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old , Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up Tshirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasnt any fire danger.. I'll put it this way , a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well. One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard.
I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump.
I thought that it would probably just spray out in a dissapointing manner.... lets face it to a 10 yr. old mouth- breather like myself, ether really doesn't "sound" flammable.
So,
I went back into the house and got a 1-pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).. At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out. No biggie... 1 lb pyrodex and 16 oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? ...heck with that, Im going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too.

Now we're cookin'. I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2-stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a 'clunk' as the arrow launched from my bow.. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH crap he just got home from work. So help me God, it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTH look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can.... Oh **** !!!

When the shock wave hit , it knocked me off my feet. I dont know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound.

I caught a half a milisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as i could see. It was like a little low-to-the-ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.
There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.
Notice I said "was".
That mother got up and ran off.

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my thundercats Tshirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Viet Nam flashback,

'ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE, YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE CEASE FIRE!!!!!'

His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway.
All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft over our backyard.
There is a Honda 185cc 3-wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.
I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment.
I dont know- I know I said something. I couldnt hear.
I couldnt hear inside my own head. I dont think he heard me either.... not that it would really matter.
I dont remember much from this point on..

I said something,.... felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later.
I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea.

I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more.
Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again....Thanks mom !

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again.
Mom had been complaining about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.
Dad sold his muzzloaders a week or so later.

I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating. Or both.
I guess what im trying to say is, get your kids into archery. Its good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

[PawPaw Gene]

Some real funny stuff there fellow. Too bad those willow branches aren't legal anymore, I bet our jails wouldn't be quite so full.

"gene"

[ReelFunGuy]

anyone remember those old red rubber innertubes and does anyone have any that have not weather rotted, I would like to buy a couple of them somewhere.
Rusty