Thread: Clean Jokes

looks like nobody knows any clean ones

ThingsGot Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . . ..

In ahospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, onSunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition.This puzzled the doctors, and some even thought it had something to dowith the super natural. No one could solve the mystery asto why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team ofexperts were assembled to investigate the cause of theincidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM,all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward tosee for themselves what the terrible phenomenonwas all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayerbooks, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Justwhen the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper,entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could usethe vacuum cleaner.

Originally Posted by jimp

ThingsGot Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . . ..

In ahospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, onSunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition.This puzzled the doctors, and some even thought it had something to dowith the super natural. No one could solve the mystery asto why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team ofexperts were assembled to investigate the cause of theincidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM,all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward tosee for themselves what the terrible phenomenonwas all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayerbooks, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Justwhen the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper,entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could usethe vacuum cleaner.

Funny and sad at the same time

ok, how bout this un?

A womancame home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almostin a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waisttowards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from thedeadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breakinghis arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happilylistening to his Walkman.

Letter to Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I have been so blessed in my life. Great parents, great wife and kids, great job, and a great education. When I finally retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing.

I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam, the shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies.

As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing; she not only refuses to join us, she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.

A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife, hoping that maybe she'd get interested.

Instead, she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat!

I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do?

Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?

Thanks, A Fisherman

P. S. I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass we caught.

************************************************** ********************

Dear Fisherman,

Get rid of that narrow minded wife.

Abby

I would continue to enjoy my hobby.

Iraqiterrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. Itcame back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it wasthe bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits. God is good!

Reunions


Why some folks do not attend High School Reunions .. . . Jan, Sue
and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each
other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.



Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace.. She orders a bottle of
Pinot Grigio.


Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the
required ritualized kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.


Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans
and boots.. She too shares the wine.


Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from
Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a
beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York 's leading
law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue, where
Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in
Phoenix.


Sue relates that she graduated fromHarvard Med School and became
a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment
banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second home
in Naples, Florida.


Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her
boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in Colorado and grow their
own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his penis.



Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later,
Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They
live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked
at a nearby storage facility.


Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty,
explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home.
They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.


Mary says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.