I don't know what to say

[superdave1984]

So I have this very dear friend. I have known her for about 25 years. We dated for a good while too. I love her dearly. She got married about a year ago. Her grandmother passed away this summer, her father is in poor health as well. She's pretty much been the caregiver for her family most of her life. She was the happiest I have seen her in a long time after she was married. They had lots in common and were always together and enjoying each others' company. This was a pleasant change for her as she has had terrible luck with men all her life. Including me. But all seemed well, it looked like she had finally gotten a break and her life was on track.
This afternoon I get a phone call. Last night her husband took a gun and put it under his chin, pulled the trigger and took his life. She was in the next room. So what do you say? There is no way to comfort her. Not right now anyway. I went over after work and we just hugged for a while. I asked if she needed anything and she said she didn't know. It's obvious she's very traumatized. So folks, talk to your friends as often as possible. Love them all. Tell them so. You just never know. The visitation is Saturday, funeral Sunday. I just hope I can hold it together.

[slab_slayin_fool]

be there for her as much as possible thats about all you can do she will let you know if there is anything else call and keep in touch don't worry about calling to much because it wont happen she needs family and friends more now than ever and she may do or say some weird things but that is to be expected at this time really let her know things get easier with time drop buy and visit also go get her and take her to get something to eat or if she likes to fish take her on a quick trip i know it sounds funny but anything and everything at this time helps trust me also you being a friend it wouldn't be a bad idea to try and Google search ways of helping people cope with death and traumatic situations and read them for your self so you can try and understand what she is feeling so you can help that much more if there is anything i can do or help with let me know

[backtocrappie]

Sometimes people want to offer that old saying "God doesn't give you more than you can handle", don't say that. Thats a huge misconception, based a on bible verse that is often misread. Offer what you have, your friendship stretches years, you have a back and a car, offer to run errands, keep your phone lines open, do the little things that mean so much, the things her husband used to do, cut the grass and relieve her mind of these things that soon pile up. They will become her burdens and bring her down more. If you have distance between you, send food! No one wants to cook under conditions like this. Have you seen the new sliced fruit arrangements? Call in local carry outs for her. I reckon you get where I'm coming from, theres lots thats can be done. Good luck, Dave.

[RagflyJigMan]

I agree with ya'kk. Dave, just be there or let her know you are there for her if need be. I can tell by your post that this lady has a great friend in you Dave. I will pray for you and her also.

[mudwitch]

This is a very depressive time of the year for some.Had a sis-in-law walk off the plank a few weeks back,and it is ugly.She is back on track almost...but still,you have to keep a eye on em'.

[Outlaw1&2]

I can't understand for the life of me why people do this type of thing, I relish everyday that I am alive and will fight to stay. Sure it gets bad from time to time. But time is like weather,it's gonna change if you hang around.Anyway sorry for your friends loss,but have no feelings for people that take their own lives ,when I see others struggling keep theirs.

[FishCrazy]

Its is a task for you to handle. God know you are her friend and the fact that you feel in your heart that you need to help her is God telling you to do just that. Listen to God and he will show you what is needed. Dont try to hard to make sense of it all. That will becom clear later if it is meant to be. It is clear now that you have a task that God has spoken to your heart to take on. He will show you how. Just be there for her in any way that presents itself and take it one day at the time. Lot of good suggestions in the previous posts. Its good to know there are people like you in the world that genuinly care about others. Just be attentive to her needs and pay attention to the circumstances of every day and the needs will reveal themselves to you and then just step up. God Bless.

[Slipped Cork]

Dave, You need to be someone she can lean on and not just now as this will last a long time. Its been said you can count your friends on one hand. She will have alot of friends in the short term but you need to be one for a lifetime. I went to church this morning to find out a 15 yr old and a 45 yr old in different situations had taken their life. The 15 yr old was in a gothic group and thats all I know for sure. The 45 yr old so I was told had everything to live for, good job, 2 beautiful daughters in college. I was asked why anyone would do this. I have no idea but something was surely weighing heavy on their heart. Anyone who would do this cant deal with reality imo and looks for the easiest way to get rid of whats tearing them apart. You will only be able to console her if you are a true friend and it seems to me you are just the friend she needs. Pray for her and be the friend she will need now and in the future.

[superdave1984]

Thanks guys. This was the most difficult funeral I have ever attended. There's just no comfort for her right now. And yeah it will take a LONG time. I am usually very good at coming up with the right things to say, but I really don't have much on this. All I could say was that whatever pain or whatever problems that drove him to this weren't bothering him anymore. And that the fish are biting, the ducks are flying and the deer are fat where he is now. The minister knows the guy really well and told a great story about when he (the preacher) and his wife were having financial trouble because of his wife's chemo treatments, that Cory would fish almost daily and bring his catch by a couple times a week so they had plenty to eat. Heck of a guy, but something went very wrong.

[Bowfin]

Don't say anything. Tears and a good hug say more than any words. Just be there and listen to her.

I had a best friend of mine kill himself the same way. His wife walked by the bathroom and saw him with the gun in his mouth, she screamed his name, he looked at her and pulled the trigger. You never know what people are going through and what kind of temptations they face. Satan is able to paint a tempting portrait of anything, even suicide. I was filled with all kinds of shoud'ves, would'ves, and could'ves. I spent some time trying to comfort his parents and wife, they ended up encouraging me. When people are grieving, every word is painful, and it's easy to say the wrong thing. Just be there, be open to hugging and crying, and listen.