Talk about a bad day.

[fishpro67]

I copied this from another fishing board. It was funny to me and I thought you all might enjoy it as well.

FP67



While fishing in a cove that had lots of houses close by and a few boats within sight, the ol' mud-shark started barkin'. Bad breath too. No big deal I thought till it crept out and drew a picture in the bottom of my skivees. In panic I hopped up onto the back deck, covered myself with a life-jacket, popped open the livewell lid and dropped ol' muddy right into the port box. Pretty slick I thought till I realized I had no squatwipe. Well, my skivs were ruined anyhow so I used what was left of them. I put a few bullet weights in the skivs, tossed them over the side and gave them a good salute as they sank slowely toward the bottom.

While I was digging through a storage box for a minnow net to release ol' muddy I heard a boat pull up. NO KIDDING, it was THE MAN! He asked how I was doin' and I told him I was just "hangin'". He went through the usual routine, life jacket, fishing license, etc.. Then he asked if he could look in my live-well. I stuttered in disbelief that I hadn't caught any fish and said "you don't have to look in there do ya"? He got real suspicious and a little snotty. I took offense to his attitude and said alright, then pointed to the port live- well lid. He opened the lid, stared in for a moment, slammed the lid down, looked up at me and said, "what the HELL is that"? I said "sir, that is a mud-shark. I'll put it on the rule if you want but I'm pretty sure it'll measure". The scowl on his face was PRICELESS! He hopped out of my rig, mumbled that he would write a ticket for that if he could and tore off. Laughing myself to tears I took the minnow net and released ol' muddy over a brush-pile. I "hung out" in the cove for a while longer and went home. That live-well is pretty comfy. I may just have to install a magazine rack in my boat.

[GABoy]

OOOHHHH MY....that had me laughing out loud at work!!!

WHEW....that is hilarious!

[Barnacle Bill]

Now that is a bunch of crap! A magazine rack on a small boat. Whoever heard of such a thing? Would have loved to been there. Not to watch you, but to have seen the look one the "man"s" face. But Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta do what you gotta do.

[Gar-Getter]

does that qualify as a "crap-pie"

[fishpro67]

One of the strangest things I've ever seen was "Big Shug". I was in the Navy at the time and on shore leave in Norfolk with a few buddies. We headed down the strip and came across a place called "Clancey's" with a large sign out front advertising "Clancey's Home of Big Shug, Worlds only 400 pound topless dancer!". If that sign wasn't written for us, I don't believe there ever was one!
We walked in, grabbed a table and ordered a round. The rock music dejur' was blaring in the background as our eyes scanned every inch of the room searching for evidence of the newest wonder of the world, as advertised on the billboard. Before us lay an elevated stage, with lighted columns, flashing accents and, of course, mirrors. Beside and behind us were tables full of guys (mostly sailors), all with the same twinkle in their eyes, like children in front of a Christmas tree awaiting the nod to open the gifts.

Within 20 minutes our second pitcher of Bud draft was placed before us, and we started feeling in a real "Big Shug" kinda mood. Led Zepplin's "Whole Lotta Love" faded into that base intensive Bee Gee's disco song from Saturday Night Fever, as a roar started to arise from the crowd at the far end of the stage. Whoopin' and hollerin' and my heart lifted into my throat in anxious expectation. Stage décor began to move, lights flickered and the thundering of two hooves filled my senses. We were not disappointed, for there, before us, pranced the most spectacular sight ever to cross the vision of mortal man! Big Shug…all 400 pounds of her…every Jell-O jiggler, mashed potato, cauliflowered inch of her exposed for our wonderment! I pried my eyes from this dancin' prancin' hunk of (stuff) long enough to scan the audience. I saw no less than 150 sets of eyes bugged out and mouths agape. Not a single beer mug was lifted from the table during the start of this spectacle.

Fifteen minutes of "the Shugger" moving, shaking, turning and gyrating to the music, flew by seemingly in seconds. I swear no one blinked…and then…off the stage she bounded! Down to the level of we mortal men she came, with an agility I myself could not muster. Within several steps she was directly in front of OUR TABLE! 150 gasps arose simultaneously, as the Shug knelt down and flopped both of her exposed, rotund "sugar sacks" over the back of the empty wooden chair across the table from us. With a most elegant and graceful move, she stood up, fully erect, arms straight out and wooden chair levitating, seemingly in space. Cheers, applause and stomping feet roared like thunder. Shug was not done though…she picked up four empty beer mugs and placed them one at a time onto the seat of the suspended chair…and, with the moves of the most seasoned bartender, picked up a full pitcher and poured the four empty mugs full. This was too much to take! We were hysterical!

The music picked up again in perfect syncopation with the movement of the Shug (much kudos to the stage crew, who did a fabulous job for very little recognition!). Hips rotated and leg flesh "foooped" as Shug paraded around our table, offering the full mugs to each of us (more cheers and hooahs), which we all grabbed without reservation (or pride).

The entire show lasted about an hour and culminated in a haze (either from extreme astonishment, or extreme intoxication, I can't remember which). I do recall, however, purchasing a "Clancey's" tee shirt and getting Big S' to personally autograph it. I cherished it throughout the remainder of my Naval career, but, somehow it disappeared after I got married. My wife said that it was stolen by burglars one day while we were working in the back yard, and had left the front door unlocked. Since nothing else in the house was touched, I can only assume that the burglars had knowledge of the legend of Big Shug of Clancey's.

[CrappieLips]

Fishpro67 God I'm still peeing on myself, I aint laughed that hard in a while. still wipin the tears while im typing this. man that's a good one....

[crappieseeker]

Who is the smartest? Man, or man's best friend? When I was a teenager living at home with my mom and my brother, my brother was as close to Mcgyver as they come, or so he thought. He should have been born 20 years from now, far into the future. He was always trying to tap into computers, wire up electrical gadgets, build lasers, or whatever else his inquiring robotic mind could think of. I was the big pester bug, I lived to make fun of him and to pester the living crap out of him. He was smarter than me, but not smarter than my dog. When we were growing up, we always kept our cats in the house and the dog outside. Everytime someone opened the door, the dog would dash in and head straight for the cat food dish. My brother knew I hated having to put the dog out every time the door was opened. He thought he would pull a good one on me with his Mcgyver like mind. One night while me and my mother were sitting on the couch watching television, the doorbell rang. I answered the door, and as usual, in came the dog straight for the cat food. No-one was at the door. I put the dog back outside and a few minutes later the db rang again. This routine happened several times until my mom began to get furious because we couldnt figure out who was ringing the door bell. After a little more investigation, we found where my brother had the bell wired into his bedroom so he could ring it and make us open the door. Lets just say mom didnt think it was a laughing matter and threatened to give him a good one if he did anything like that again. Thats not the funny part. A few days later, the same routine started happening again. The doorbell would ring with no-one being there but the catfood eating dog. After several times of this happening, my mom was convinced since we checked around the yard for pranksters, that it must be my brother again. She had my brother ready to give him one to remember, and I was giggling my but off, he was pleading that he wasn't doing it. I had to cut in, even as much as I wanted to see him get tore up, but I was looking out the window and watching the door to see what was or who was doing it. Much to my suprise and amazement, it was the dog. It had learned that whenever someone came to the door and rang the bell that we would open the door and it could come in and eat cat food. I had to let my brother off the hook and tell mom, cause I got my laugh out of the dog almost causing him to get a good one. The dog was so short that it took it several minutes of jumping to be able to successfully swat the doorbell to make it ring. What a smart dog, I laughed till I almost cried. I told this story in college for a storytelling speech in speech class and received the highest grade in the class, a 97. Now if that dog could have learned to catch fish, I'd be a rich man.