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spoon
05-10-2005, 11:03 AM
Blonde goes to adult book. Rents a movie, hurries home, pops it in the vcr, gets undressed and under the covers and presses play. All she gets is static. she calls the video store complaining that she just rented this movie and it is messed up. The clerk asks her what the name of the movie is to which she responds... "head cleaner"

Billbob
05-15-2005, 10:40 AM
good one

crap-king
05-15-2005, 08:04 PM
oh no you dident

wannalearn
06-04-2005, 06:59 PM
Here's a good one that I found.
>>>A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS
>>> >UP,AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
>>> >
>>> > THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE
>>>HER TICKET.
>>> >
>>> > SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS,
>>>AND THAT SHE
>>> >WILL HAVE TO SIT IN HER ASSIGNED SEAT IN THE BACK.
>>> >
>>> > THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO
>>>HOUSTON AND
>>> >I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
>>> >
>>> > THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE
>>>PILOT AND THE
>>> >CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS,
>>>THAT BELONGS
>>> >IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
>>> >
>>> > THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN
>>>THAT BECAUSE SHE
>>> >ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER
>>>SEAT.
>>> >
>>> > THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING
>>>TO HOUSTON AND
>>> >I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE
>>>PROBABLY
>>> >SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS
>>>BLONDE WOMAN
>>> >WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
>>> >
>>> > THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS.
>>>I'M MARRIED TO
>>> >A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
>>> >
>>> > HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE
>>>SAYS, "OH,I'M
>>> >SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
>>> >
>>> > THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM
>>>WHAT HE SAID TO
>>> >MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
>>> >
>>> > I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON".

LakeHardingSpirit
06-05-2005, 08:56 AM
A blonde's garden is growing beautifully, but the darn tomatoes won't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she's getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green, what can I do about it?"
Her neighbor replies, "Well, it may sound absurd, but here's what's to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all of your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning, they'll all be red, you'll see."
She says, "Well, what the heck, can't hurt to try."
Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. "So-so", she answers, "the tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all 4 inches longer."

CrappieLips
06-07-2005, 08:39 PM
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and
while there went to a nearby
supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting
in her car with the windows
rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of
her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and
walked over to the car. He
noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He
asked her if she was okay,
and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had
been holding her brains in
for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors
were locked and Linda refused
to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found
that Linda had a wad of bread
dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud
noise that sounded like a gunshot,
and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached
back to find out what it was, she
felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out,
but quickly recovered and tried to
hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her
aid.

Linda is a blonde, but I'm certain that's not relevant.
----__

Billbob
06-12-2005, 11:30 AM
nice one