View Full Version : R.E.A.L. Jigs (satire)

Crappie Reaper
03-31-2008, 11:21 PM
Ok, in the spirit of fun, I have decided to join the ranks of the Jig Selling phenom. I have been fishing my jigs, known to a few as "Reapers Creapers" for 36 years. They will catch any fish stupid enough to bite a jig. You DON"T have to buy little plastic or rubber thingys to add to them. They are guaranteed to "Catch fish, or die trying". They will begin to fall apart after you have caught about 10 fish. They will hang up on every stick and stump you drag them over.

Now, All these jigs will be custom tied to your color needs and wants, even if you don't know what color is best for you. The hook could break, and the colors will fade if left in the sun for long periods of time. A little paint just might be left in the eye of the hook which will cut your line premature or help you to lose that dream fish at just the right moment.

As a ONE TIME introductory offer, I am offering them at the LOW, LOW, price of ONLY $20 per jig. (add $19.95 S&H)

Please help me get rich so that I can retire fat and happy. Baby needs a new pair of shoes.

As a special bonus, I'll toss in my personal secrets on "How to Break and RE-TIE" at no extra charge, you just pay the $24.99 handling fee.

Coming Soon! An e-book on a dyslexic man who wrote his own biography titled, "Kiss Back and Jump Yourself"! A tale about how he struggled through life until he saw the true light (Bud).

Keep tuned for next weeks special, called "JiggaReaper" Jigs O Plenty Day, I'll be sending ONE lucky person ten homespun jigs if I can get $15 from only 100 people. What a Bargain!

Hurry while the supplies last! Call NOW! 1-888-BUYJIGS, That's 1-888 BUYJIGS!

john h
04-01-2008, 05:48 AM
ill take 1 thousand of them i heard they caught a bluegill once

04-01-2008, 06:23 AM
There is a future for you as an author of funny books. Interesting satire. Makes April Fool's Day kinda fun. Keep writing. I hear there is a Crappie sitting on his Crapper waiting for the next issue from you. Good satire!

04-01-2008, 07:55 AM
Something's wrong with your number and I've spent the past hour and half on your website (bitemyshorts) trying to find where to place my order.

04-01-2008, 08:45 AM
They sound great! I bet they can even cure male pattern baldness.

04-01-2008, 09:07 AM
.... that even beats Viagra's claims.:D

04-02-2008, 07:40 PM
well heck when ya got people actually dialing the phone number looking fer ya,, i think ya otta getta website next..
just ta help ya out heres a few names
"testimonials from CRAPPIE REAPER"
"writings from REAPER"
"testicles of CRAPPIE REAPER"
i don't know you pick one...
subscription rates should be in the area of $150. for members $350. for non-members
put it in a bi-monthly e-mail.
heck if ya get too busy on the computer to trim houses,,thats what ya wanted in the first place..
work directly from the deck of yer boat, download when ya get home after ya hook the battery charger on them batteries ya worn out..
these are only PERCEPTIONS from Mr. Motor Guide
keep up the good writings and whitty ideas

04-03-2008, 07:15 AM
Dang Reaper -Ya got me wantin to try them!!:D

Bob # 1
04-03-2008, 07:21 AM


Crappie Reaper
04-03-2008, 07:44 AM
Business has been slow lately, am thinking about offering a
"Buy one, Get to Buy 2 more with an extra feather on each PLUS each Jig personally signed by ME, the Artist"
Avoid the rush, get those orders in right now before my Electric gets cut off.
Make sure to order "T.H.E. T.R.E.A.T.M.E.N.T." , this is a dose of "Special Attention" given to each jig. T.H.E. process is a secret, BUT it does make each "Reapers Creepers"(tm) Sparkle, just like they've been dipped in glitter.
Don't forget about "Jigs-O-Plenty" day coming next week. Get your $15 in now before it's too late! YOU could be the big weiner and end up with all 10 of those homespun jigs.

04-03-2008, 07:53 AM
At last, truth in advertiseing. Thanks

04-03-2008, 10:34 AM
Gosh I have bought everthing from gyro aggrivators with dual exciters to false teeth with trebble hooks.

sure would hate to pass up on the one jig that might realy load the boat before it fell apart. Hate to miss a sell also.

would look kind of stupid being the only one on the lake not to have one and every one limit out but me.

looks like a good price. Isn't everything on t.v. for sale $19.95

I am sure a good person like you would give a money back gurantee.

04-03-2008, 10:43 AM
Hey Reaper!!! I'll trade you a set of Flying Lures, Helicopter Lures, Banjo Minnows, pocket fisherman and the rocket fisherman for a set of them there nice lures you are sellin. ;) If that ain't a deal I don't know what is.... They still have MONEY BACK GUARANTEES!!! How 'bout it?? :D ROFLMAO

04-03-2008, 10:48 AM
I would like to order of few truck loads (while they're still on sale).How would you like paid?I'm sure that I have enough to cover 2 tractor-trailer loads in my pocket (pocket change) :D