Jeff, Sounds like you have the short legs, big butt, long arm sendrome[sp]
I knew a old man that had just the opposite of your sendrome, and his overalls come up on his chest so high that he had to unzip his fly to blow his nose.
The old man [ Dickie Little ] was in the check out line at Walmart one night and was behind a big boned women, and she turned around just in time to see Mr. Dickie wiping his nose and she slapped him and caused Mr. Dickie's
nose to get hung in his fly, it was terrible.
Good Luck..........spider rig man