things you don't want to hear if you are traveling over the holidays...

[hawkman]

Crap-king, feel free to use these anytime.

• "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them a while."

• "So, you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

• "Warning? You want a warning? OK. I'll give you a warning. I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
• "Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
• "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
• "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? That's the average speed of a 9-millimeter bullet fired from my sidearm."

• "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy & step in cow poop. Fair has nothing to do with how fast you were driving."
• "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we can write as many tickets as we want."
• "In GOD we trust. Everyone else we run through the Crime Index Computer."
• "Just how big were those two beers?"
• You didn't think we gave pretty women speeding tickets? Really? Well, you're right, we don't... Please sign here."
• "The answer to this last question will determine if you are drunk or not.Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

[crap-king]

Hawk you forgot about slowing down for a stop sign - when the officer starts slapping you across the face and ask if you want him to stop or slow down
crap-king