Fun with a tazer. (Long but worth it!)

[eddiebhome]

Not fishing related, but pretty funny. It's been around the internet a couple of times but it makes me laugh every time I read it. See if you can get through reading it to your wife (I couldn't and still can't). We both nearly die laughing.

Eddie

>
>ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS (and only to make sure his
>mate was safe)
>
>This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely
>wife a "Pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
>
>The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was
>looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni.
>Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn
>Shop that sparked my interest - 'Pocket Taser Stun
>Gun, a great gift for the wife'. The Pocket Taser Stun
>Gun is a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
>effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived,
>with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
>allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
>WAY TOO COOL!
>
>Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
>home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn
>thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
>disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
>button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the
>same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity
>darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
>Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that
>burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
>
>Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking
>to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only
>two triple-a batteries,... right?
>
>There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
>intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading
>the directions and thinking that I really needed to
>try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
>must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
>fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is
>such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this
>thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger!
>, I did want some assurance that it would work as
>advertised. Am I wrong?
>
>So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top
>with my reading glasses perched delicately on the
>bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in
>the other. The directions said that a one-second burst
>would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second
>burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major
>loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
>purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground
>like a fish out of water.
>
>Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
>the batteries.
>
>All the while I'm looking at this little device
>measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in
>circumference; pretty cute really, and loaded with two
>itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,
>"no possible way!"
>
>What happened next is almost beyond description, but
>I'll do my best.....
>
>I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
>head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it
>master." Reasoning that a one-second burst from such a
>tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad....
>so, I decided to give myself a one-second burst just
>for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked
>thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF
>MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
>
>I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the
>side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body
>slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over
>again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
>fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking
>wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be
>found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the
>oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was
>standing over me making meowing sounds I had never
>heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to
>herself, "do it again, do it again!"
>
>Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself
>with a taser, one note of caution: There is no such
>thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You
>will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
>from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the
>floor. A three second burst would be considered
>conservative.
>
>SON-OF-A------ that hurt like he--!!!
>
>A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
>relative thing at that point), I collecte d my wits
>(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
>landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel
>of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My
>triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
>twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
>Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still
>looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant
>reward for their safe return.
>
>Still in shock,
>
>Tommy
>

[belizaire]

thanks for the laugh just wish i was there to see it in person.:D :D :D

[KCBH]

Haha.

I am glad to see you didn't have a heart attack.

[fishman247]

try it a few more times and you'll get to where it dont hurt any more.....guess i'm a fool but my ex-wife had one and i just had to try it,through my jeans the first few times, and now they are like a flashin flashlight....
no joke....the man at the flea market here hates me cause i told him a druggie wont be affected much these women might as well get a real gun, i'm no druggie but have a very high pain tolerance and unmless like you mentioned(a testical shot) there over rated

[bugman]

I should have waited till later in the day to read that i woke up the whole house.

[MoSam]

That was a funny story! I laughed until I cried on that one! That sure sounds like something I would have done too!

My favorite line of the story-- I touched the prongs to my naked
>thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF
>MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!


I lost it right there!

Thanks

[wrwest]

Thanks that is a good story. I watched a guy zap him self one night at work. We still bug him about it from time to time. He was tryng to put his finger nail into the arc, Well the acr reached up his finger and bit him really good. Knock him and his chair against the wall. Oh by the way a stun gun will not work on alcoholics either.

[FishnLine]

LMAO! I saw some cops hit a guy with one at a bar. That's all the proof I need!

[hook bender]

great story man !!!!!!i laughed so hard it hurt!!!!!!!!HOOKEM-N-COOKEM!!!!!! HOOKBENDER!!!!!

[CastandBlast]

Good story...Thanks for the laugh. I've seen a couple of Idiots do the same thing. One of them had heard about it not working on a drunk. He had done it on himself several times before without much result. However when he did it in front of me and a couple of other guys he had just installed fresh batteries. The result was just what happened to the guy in the story. We laughed so hard we had tears in our eyes. I told him I'd seen people do some stupid things but as far as I was concerned he took the gold medal for stupid....He's never done it again