Letters to Teddy

[Crappie Reaper]

The office of Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy issued a press release today claiming his popularity must be growing within the U.S. military. "Most of the letters the senator has received from Iraq and Afghanistan are unsigned, probably for security reasons, but they all express an interest in wanting just 5 minutes alone with him. We think that's pretty indicative of their appreciation for his anti-war effort", said Kennedy press secretary Melissa Wagoner.
Ms. Wagoner said since the letters typically did not have return addresses the Senator decided to issue this press release so as to publicly respond to their concerns. The following is a summarization of the most popular questions/comments he has received. Please keep in mind that in some cases military jargon was used and the senator had to make some assumptions on their meaning. Our military advisor said we could look up the jargon at Wikipedia but we ignored him.

Q) "Hey Senator BIOYA!

A) Yeah I like Jim Cramer's Mad Money program too. Booya back to you!

Q) Senator Blue Falcon, you and your Charlie Foxtrot buddies in Congress can stick it!

A) Thank you for the moniker. I always wanted to be called "Viper" or "Maverick but I'll take Blue Falcon. As you know my cowardice kept me out of the service. Rest assured my Concerned but Firm senate colleagues will stick to our agenda.

Q) Take your anti-war sentiments and shove them up your fat ass!

A) Don't you worry a bit, the donkey symbol for the democrat party stands for anti-war.

Q) Hey Bozo, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

A) No no, I'm not Bozo, I'm Blue Falcon. Believe me, give me a few whiskeys and I can Foxtrot, Tango, and Macarena the pants right off of them.

Q) Hey, thanks for the Purple Shaft w/Barbed Wire Cluster Award!

A) Don't mention it. It was actually my buddy John Kerry's idea. He said he gave out a bunch of those when he served in Viet Nam. Did you know that John Kerry served in Viet Nam? Poor thing occasionally has flash backs where he's actually proud of his service.

Q) When we get back to the real world your ass is grass and we're going to be the lawn mowers.

A) Thanks boys but I already employ a bunch of gardeners through the bracero program. I pay those idiots next to nothing. I could use some help cleaning my windows though. Call my office if you make it back.

Personal Message from Sen. Kennedy I join my colleagues Durbin, Rockefeller, Clinton, Boxer, Feinstein, and Shumer in thanking you for whatever it is you do. All that fuss we've made over Abu Graib, Guantanamo, killing civilians, and quagmire was just said to screw over the President. Your morale is our highest priority!

[MTM]

Kennedy.jpg (55.4 KB)

[crap-king]

now that is a good one