Military Wit

[Eager Beaver]

Military Wit

This is really a fun read - sobering at times

Military Wit and Wisdom

Mostly wisdom.

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
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"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
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"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
- U.S. Marine Corps training manual
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"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are
guaranteed to always hit the ground."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you
just bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Pilot training manual
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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons."
- General Macarthur
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"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal
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"You, you, and you ... panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
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"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance officer
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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
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"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- David Hackworth
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"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
- Infantry Journal
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"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
- Joe Gay
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"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
- Anonymous
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit

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"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Your Buddies
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"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"Though I Fly Through the Valleyof Death... I Shall Fear No Evil.
For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base, Kadena, Japan
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
submarines in the sky."
--From an old carrier sailor
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably
a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have
enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
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"Never trade luck for skill."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in
aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where the hell are we?" and

"Oh ****!"
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"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
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"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up
there!"
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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for
the purpose of storing dead batteries."
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to
a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything
about it."
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"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will
be held on a sunny day."
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Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII:

"When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just
barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not
go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the
appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
It is much more difficult to fly there."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having
torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck
arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?".
The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)







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[Barnacle Bill]

Strange but true!