Thread: Jokes

Dictionary for Women

Aaaack (aak) interj.
An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first thing in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is.

Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v.
To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but *he* "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a basketball game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers".

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Definitions vary according to sex:

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under a car's hood. For a male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes ''look bigger.'' Male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

Funny stuff Novice! Womens dictionary? Would that be in the FICTION dept?

I don't know, Jack. Next time you are in Barnes and Noble, why don't YOU check?

Þ

[QUOTE=Crappie Novice;930274]I don't know, Jack. Next time you are in Barnes and Noble, why don't YOU check?
Þ [/
QUOTE] I already have Novice. Unfortunately there is no such thing as a womans dictionary. All the books I saw started the title with "WAAAAA" which, I assume, is woman speak for whining or complaining, you know, the staples of a womans speach pattern.

tell us how you really feel, Jack. It seems as you have some rather strong opinions or would that be inventions??? And PLEASE do not lump ALL women into the same category. All women are not created equal in the whining/complaining dept! Some are WORSE than others!

I, of course, being a non-whiner/complainer though quite a pot-stirrer.

Guess my new avatar should be:

Use the avatar if you never want anyone to respond to anything you post. I ain't afraid of anything, and it scared h*** out of me! Bears a remarkable resembalance to my ex

lol